Written by: Sheldon Young, Sales and Marketing Leader, Podcast Host, and ICF Certified Professional Coach
I remember the first time I was laid off. I was (really) young, didn’t have much in terms of responsibilities, and I really didn’t like the job. It was kind of an adventure for me and I was excited for a fresh start. I went to interviews excited and confident and landed something within 2 weeks. I was crushing life. No. Big. Deal!
Then there was the second time. However, now I was over 40, had built a life (and the bills to go with it), actually had liked my job… and this didn’t feel like an adventure… it felt scary. This second time around was different. I didn’t have the same confidence. I was carrying around self doubt, imposter syndrome, and fear that I just wasn’t desired in the marketplace. I’d been laid off, which wasn’t my “fault”, but it sure felt like rejection of me as a person. It made me feel less than capable and I was carrying around this “baggage” in the search for my next role. This baggage was heavy, and it was keeping me from showing up and being my very best. It discouraged me from pursuing roles unless I felt I was a perfect fit, and it was closing me off to something that every job seeker needs - opportunities. This baggage also made me more irritable, which my wife certainly didn’t appreciate, and I found I was distancing myself from others that were important in my life. There was one thing that was for sure - this was not serving me well.
So what could I do about it?
Luckily, a lot. It wasn’t going to be easy but there were a few things that helped turn things around that I’d like to share with you.
Be kind to yourself. I can’t say this enough: you are worthy of a great career. And you can have it. It all starts though with you. YOU need to believe in yourself and - this is important - speak to yourself with kindness. Words matter. Using negative words about yourself, even if it’s just “a joke”, reinforce the subconscious parts of our brain that these things are true. Don’t be your own detractor. Start each day saying kind things to yourself and continue to be kind throughout your day. You will see a difference in your confidence almost immediately.
Spoiler alert: Almost everyone has imposter syndrome at least some of the time. This should come as great comfort to you. You are not alone if you start to feel like you are a fish out of water. This is going to be especially true if you continue to stretch yourself! It’s actually a good thing (at least for a little while) to have these feelings as it keeps you on your toes and makes you push just a little bit harder. Just don’t let it cause you to “freeze”. You’ll get through it, just like you always have.
Identify what’s in the bag - and deal with it. If you were asked to leave your last role, for whatever reason, it can sit with you and throw off your confidence. There could also be a lot of other reasons why you’re carrying around the baggage you do that have nothing to do with work, but the additional stress of looking for a job has caused you to start feeling the weight. Sometimes, we can self-coach our way to identify the issues and then address them head-on. Other times, talking to a good friend can help. However, if the baggage is truly heavy, getting a professional to help you can truly be a game changer. I personally used a coach during my second lay off and it paid huge dividends for me. I know others that had a licensed therapist and that was equally effective.
Build a great personal “board of directors”. This is something that most people will say they have, but they actually do not. It’s more than just “good friends”. A good board of directors are people that don’t necessarily think like you, but will help challenge your assumptions, doubts, fears, etc. They will support you and be straight up with you… even if it’s not all positive feedback! They can be younger, older, peers, executives, coaches, or any number of other relationships. The key though is having a variety of people. Having 5-10 diverse people that you engage with regularly in this capacity can help build insight in yourself that can help you unpack the useless weight from that bag (and fill it with lighter, more valuable things)!
These tips are just a few ways (there are many more - these are just what worked for me!) to help deal with the baggage that holds us down. By implementing the above, I was able to learn what was holding me back and I became much more open to new possibilities. I also became more comfortable with my true authentic self, which I had feared showing for so long, and came to realize that it was valued by others as well. I hope that by adopting one or more of these can help you take steps in the right direction towards a clearer head and a more confident and productive career transition or job search. I’d love to hear from you if they help or if you have other ideas on how to unpack that bag.
The journey is much more fun and flexible if we pack light!
About the author: Sheldon Young is a sales and marketing leader, host of multiple podcasts, and ICF Certified Professional Coach. The views, ideas, and opinions expressed in this article are the author's alone and not endorsed by any current or past employers.
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