Written by: Steven Scheidler, Former Director of Treatment for the Americas for Xylem, Inc.
I have enjoyed a long career that has meandered through several business models and industries, all while gaining extensive experience in workflow and communication. The one thing I always found myself asking was “Why?”. Why do we do the things we do every day? Why do we do things that constantly create challenges to complete tasks in a timely, organized fashion? Why can’t we just get it done right the first time? Why didn’t anyone listen?
There are many reasons, but one of them is certainly the ability to actively listen, process the information, and understand. Active listening to someone can lead you to the answers necessary to change behaviors, make you or the process better, and make it happen the first time.
Listening is a skill that most of us don’t understand. It’s the ability to accurately receive information and effectively understand the desired outcome. We all speak a language, but some of us hear that language more effectively than others. Why? Because we are only hearing audibly, or thinking about how we will respond before the other party is finished, or just thinking about what we were doing before we were “interrupted” by the conversation.
Here are a few tips to help you start your journey towards active listening:
Give your total attention to the other party – It is a requirement to become engaged in the conversation to achieve active listening. Put down what you are doing, clear your mind of any other thoughts, smile, and make eye contact. It's ok to ask the other individual for a moment or to schedule an alternate time if you are busy and need to finish something. Let them know you want to give them your full attention and not be distracted as a result of an immediate pressing issue. It not only changes how you are perceived as a listener, it also changes how you feel about listening when you are ready.
Conversely, ask if the other party is ready for a conversation – I can’t tell you how many times someone has burst into my office with the world on fire (I guess having an open door policy brings that to your doorstep!). But think about the fact that the other party was not sitting there waiting for you to burst in with what they believe is an emergency. Know that you will not immediately have their full attention, and ask if it would be ok to have a brief conversation. Be prepared with a concise summary of the issue, and avoid storytelling. It is a guarantee that the other party will not be actively listening to you if they are continuing to type an email while you are speaking!
Don’t assume you know the answer before the question – Throwing out an answer mid conversation tells the other individual that you are rushed, disinterested, or don’t care about what they have to say. And, you are not actively listening if you are thinking you know what they are saying before they say it. You are thinking of your response before the end of the question, and your mind is not ready for the conversation.
Ask clarifying questions – Sometimes, we think we know what we have heard, but it’s always appropriate to ask for clarification to ensure we understand. Interpretation can get you in trouble, you need to be clear in your own mind of what is being asked or stated before responding. Keeping the dialog active by asking good questions along the way is important. But make sure to do it in a gentle, constructive manner.
Summarize what you have just heard – When you do this, you are telling the other party, in your own words, what was just said. Sometimes, this acts as a clarification point to further understand the question or situation. In the end, the summary tells the individual that their message has been accurately communicated and understood. And always remember, good, bad or indifferent, feedback is a gift!
Active listening is being in the moment and forcing ourselves to give full attention to the other party. Truly listening takes skill and focus to master. It is a powerful tool to improve communication and remove the roadblocks that are in front of us.
Find some reading on the subject of listening, and improve your daily communication skills. It’s a lifelong journey, and like anything else, it takes practice and awareness. But in the end, you will enjoy much more success when you actively listen to your boss, your team, your family, and your spouse!
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