Photo by Artem Sapegin on Unsplash
Who were you? Do you remember?
I was recently listening to a book that asked me to remember who I was...
I feel like when you are asked that question, you pull up one of two mental images. The first is an image of when you were a child. The other is that of when you were a young adult. It was the latter that came to my mind.
The image in my mind was approximately from the time when I knew I would graduate from college, had a job lined up, had a great girlfriend (future great wife!) and had no real responsibilities. The details felt a bit blended but there was clarity to how this image made me feel. I felt proud, strong, capable, energized, and confident. Full of potential. I felt good. This image of me in my mind made me feel good.
At that time in my life, I had already been keeping a goal list for years. Many of the goals on the list included self-improvement... physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The idea of investing the hard work to improve myself did not feel like a task as much as it felt like an opportunity. I was potential and the only limit appeared to be my own commitment.
Over the years, I have worked to improve myself. I have become a much better listener. I understand the difference between sympathy and empathy. I work out fairly regularly and do a decent job of putting good food in my body. I try to help those in need. I answer my phone when a friend calls to talk. I am active in the lives of my children and I work to be a good partner through trying to understand what I can change about myself rather than asking what they can change about them. I am wiser, undoubtedly, from my experience and the self-work I have practiced. These are all great things.
But…
I have begun to wonder…
Am I happier?
Or…
Do I have some weird feeling that I am on a carousel ride, of my own construction, and life is passing by as I go around and around trying to improve and knock items off of my goal list?
This book I was reading, which helped me remember who I was, led me to another thought. When I was that young adult, did my family, friends, and girlfriend love that person without reservation? As I reflect on that version of me, I asked, “Did I also love that person?” The unequivocal answer is “YES” to both questions.
Change is constant but I am talking about intentioned change. This intentioned change, some call “self improvement”, has to start with a version that can be improved. This is a version that will be less than the future version based upon the changes being made. The desired outcome will be better than what you start with.
I have always been generally happy with who and what I am. I am a happy, positive person. This is a product of my biochemist and the gentle life that I have lived. But I have come to realize that you have to be careful with trying to improve yourself and believing that 2.0 version will be better. Always moving the goal down the field, even for someone who is naturally positive and resilient, takes energy, can create doubt, and may not result in bringing any more happiness or sense of fulfillment. In fact, it might result in the exact opposite outcome.
That is why this pause to reflect on who I was mattered. I was enough then and am enough now. The people that matter, including myself, loved me then and love me now. I have everything I need to achieve whatever it is that I really, in my heart of heart’s, really want. Be true to thyself rings loudly. Give myself a hug.
Hustling and grinding are great, developing and improving yourself is too, but never, ever forget that you already won the lottery of life.
Enjoy it in the present, as you are, who you are, right now.
Written by: Austin Meyermann, Founder and President of Hunter Crown, LLC
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